I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
