Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
