I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
