You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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