My hand turned me down
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
