So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
