you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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