Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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