your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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