Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
