my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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