So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think your dad took our porno
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
