Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
