Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
