I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
