Duck Duck Cougar?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
