This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
