New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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