I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
