It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
