Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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