BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
