why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
