woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
