You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
