you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
