i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
