Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
