I want to stick my p in your. b.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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