I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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