hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
