the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
