I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
