I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
