I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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