I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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