There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
