butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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