did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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