legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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