yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
