How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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