Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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