I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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