I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
