Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
