can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You smell like stripper and shame
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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