I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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