I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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