im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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