Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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